January 7, 2014

Spoof: The Lame Game

SPOOF: The "Lame" Game

This ISN'T What You Want...

What follows is a spoof of the "perfect" game based on the desires of the honorable members of the "Complainers Society". The Society is a group of well meaning individuals that propose ideas in the form of complaints on whatever target they chose. In the interest of full disclosure, I do hold a secre membership in the Society, participating when I feel its necessary.

I posted the concept below on the forums as a spoof. I did it during one of those crazy, "everyone-is-complaining-about-everything" kind of weeks to make people pay attention as well as laugh a bit. I took a step back and looked collectively at all the complaints from the forums and I when I put the more vocal ones together - this is what I got.

Beware...insanity is written below...

Disclaimer:   This is not a real game. The name "Nexon" has been changed to "Nextton" to avoid internet insanity stemming from someone actually doing a game like this. I wholeheartedly believe they have more sense than that.

My point is that we have a great game but, no its not perfect. Somehow that is actually some of its charm. If things become too easy, too readily available, to equalized for all...zzZzzZ...we'd quickly be off to the next thing.

We need challenge, differentiation and a bit of pizazz to knock us off of our rockers and keep us coming back.

Based on Player Feedback...A New MMO...

"Nextton releases new MMO..."Loosely" based on the awesome game Vindictus... "

The Devs team has been listening.  They've been cruising the forums for the last year really taking in all of the feedback.   The Devs listened to all the Vindictus forumers and their desires to have a truly equal and balanced game.  They decided to design a game that was happy, balanced, carefree, and open to the casual and less than casual player as well as the "all I want to do is AFK'er."

Here are some of the features in this new action packed but pain free MMO:


  • There is 1 character to choose from, the character can be male or female.
  • All functionality is exactly the same with different skin options to represent a class - ears for elves, wings for ferries, muscles for tanks, etc.
  • All characters share the same armor with different color options available. All armors are completely interchangeable.
  • The only armor type is 'armor'.
  • Armors will not cross lines and will not be slutty nor cute.
  • All characters reach max level within 72 hours of creation and automatically unlock bonus levels of equally balanced material every month.
  • All characters start out as tweens, and within 72 hours the character becomes an adult. This is sure to provide engaging character growth as you watch your character develop.
  • All characters receive a buff of 50 in Att, Def, MAtt, AGI, WIL, and Speed every single week.


We felt health symbolized death. Death is no longer a possibility in our game.
  • All players are given Kittys to symbolize life. The kitty cannot be destroyed.
  • Stamina is no longer an issue for all as we felt that overexertion might lead to dissatisfaction on someone's part. It has been removed.


We scoured the planet to provide the most robust set of weapons possible.

  • Choose from over 100 weapons. From Spears to Butter Knives, Javelins to Wands.
  • You are free to equip one, all or none, whatever makes you happy.
  • In order to maintain balance there are no levels on weapons - no differentiation exists in this MMO.
  • Accessories are provided from the server to all equally. There are plenty to choose from all with the same stats.
  • Weapons and Accessories are for appearance only.


We felt that our previous game was too difficult and promoted competition rather than leisure. We wanted to rectify that.

  • All boss fights are 10 minutes. Regardless of effectiveness the boss is defeated by the 10th minute.
  • Ending screen displays "Great job" with a thumbs up icon, regardless of your actual performance during the mission.

  • Equal gold, ap and exp are delivered regardless of participation in the battle, because all things are equal.
  • All bosses receive buff of 15 attack, defense and speed, to coincide with the buffs provided to characters weekly.
  • Awesome screenshots are guaranteed. All players will automatically receive them at the end of the run. Each player can choose their fighting stance - there are 50 equally awesome poses designed to make you look your best.


This is an MMO.  No one should ever be lonely or worry about their friends leaving for other games
it should be fun and everyone should be friendly. Runs and boats should always be ready to launch.

  • Every player will automatically be assigned 50 friends upon character creation.
  • Each interaction with friends will provide 50 gold, per friend.
  • A.I. gamers will be created to fill boats that sit for longer than 26 seconds waiting for players.


We really listened to the players desire to have more gold. Because absolutely everything is provided to players for your gaming experience there is nothing to purchase. Your hard earned gold accumulates on your character infinitely.

  • No materials need to be "farmed" and therefore farming is not a "thing".
  • Players that want to farm are of course, more than welcome to.
  • All characters can obtain scrolls by talking to an NPC.
  • Scrolls provide things such as 'smiles' or 'dance moves'.
  • There is no marketplace. Trading, scamming, timed item expiration and mailbox limitations no longer exist and do not plague the community.


We really wanted a PVP system to set us apart from other games. Keeping in line with our anti-competitive, leisure only theme, we really do think we've captured the players desires.

  • PVP is completely 100% balanced. Everything is equal.
  • PVP consists of 30 second auto-matched duels that are system matched based on the color of the day.
  • Queuing is nonexistent. PVP's occur in midair and don't require a player to actually be there to participate.
  • Best of all, no one dies in PVP. Kitty's are replenished automatically throughout the match.
  • Much like PVE - all players receive exact same reward for participation.
  • AFK is welcome from all. We want you to spend infinite amounts of time sitting in our game doing nothing but talking. Our servers are built to support this.

The new game is called "Lame", its coming to a beta near you.

Looking at it like this, I'm sorta glad they don't listen to most of the players complaints.

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